not happy.  i am not happy....

feels like my insides are all twisted and mangled up and i can't breathe... i smile, but it's a superficial smile to hide my unhappiness. 

but i can't articulate what i feel.. it never comes out right. and you always manage to twist my words into something else and i end up being the asshole

there are so many things i want to tell you but i am afraid .. of what? is the worst case scenario still such a bad option at this stage? 

take the higher road stella, be strong

Coupling

this is my new favourite TV series

the quotes that come out from this show ... an absolute riot:

"When man invented fire, he didn't say, 'hey, let's cook', he said, 'great, now we can see naked bottoms in the dark."

"I'll get the speech about how wonderful I am. Basic rule, isn't it? More wonderful you are at the start of the speech, the more dumped you are at the end. "

"If I don't like a woman, if there's no chemistry, if I'm not attracted to her, then I don't lead her on, I just get out of there... every time, before she even wakes up."

check it out when you have time

p.s. make sure you're watching the original BBC series though ... i heard there's a US version that came out some time ago - and that it's nothing compared to the original. 

Why friendster rocks:

hello!

hi stella~  do you remember me?  i'm the "siu mui

mui" who took the #3 school bus with you

throughout primary school!  it's so nice to

have "found" you here!  so what have you been up

to?

i've settled in san francisco, but i still like

all the excitement in hk~  i go back once in a

while to visit my family and friends.  maybe we

can meet up the next time i go~
btw, i was once reading a chinese magazine and

saw your picture with denise ho, the singer, on

one of her interviews... i was wondering where

you were then...  =)
talk to you again soon!

-carmen

Why friendster is lame:

hello!

hi, i'm A.J. and i'm 24. i was wonder

if you fancy an oral sex? i can give you a great

one and + oil massage.

here's the full article

_____________________________________________________

R U M I N A T I O N S by Aaron Karo
_____________________________________________________

"Writing what you're thinking since 1997."
_____________________________________________________

Issue #19 - "Seeing Single" - October 2003

Circulation: Over 25,000 subscribers worldwide

Subscribe or Read More @ http://www.AaronKaro.com
_____________________________________________________

-To me, single women in New York City are like a preseason football game - it seems like they're trying to score, but really they just don't want to get hurt. On the other hand, single men are like the Super Bowl - they're always trying to go all the way like it's the last chance they'll ever get. This seemingly small difference in thinking leads to an extraordinary amount of waste generated by single men and women who have absolutely no clue what the other wants. Money is wasted, time is wasted and next thing you know it's 4am on Saturday night and you're alone...and wasted. Go to any bar in this town and you're bound to see the mating ritual happen in pairs - two guys who've had two too many drinks circling the outskirts of the dance floor with two dollars combined left in their wallets staring at the two chicks at the bar clutching two overpriced handbags and ordering two more apple martinis. But don't worry, you're not seeing double, you're seeing single

-The first decision that single men, like myself, must make is what to bar to go to in order to pick up women. This decision is usually made over many drinks while pre-gaming with the boys at someone's apartment. Inevitably, you decide on a place where one of your buddies "heard there were gonna be a ton of hot chicks." That this has never once been true does not deter us. The fact is, drunk single guys go to annoying bars for the same reasons weary travelers fly into Newark airport - it's out of the way, it's inconvenient, but you weren't thinking straight and it seemed like a good idea at the time.

-The fact that the bars, clubs and lounges of New York have become the arena for single mating puts guys at a serious disadvantage. For one thing, we can't get in unless we're with girls. But if we were with girls, we wouldn't be going in the first place. This leads to the desperate measure of getting on your cell phone and calling girls that you know are inside to come out and convince the bouncer to let you in. And when that embarrassing situation is finally over, you get inside and usually head straight for the bathroom - where you are forced to piss in a trough filled with ice. So I've been out of the house for about twenty minutes, I haven't even hit on anyone yet, and I've already been completely emasculated. I should have just left my balls at home.

-How to Lose a Guy in Ten Seconds at the Bar: tell me how much you enjoy being an investment banker, take a drag off your lipstick-stained Parliament, ask me if your fake ID looks real, mention your boyfriend who just got drafted by the Bears, discuss your opposition to pre-marital sex, order a mixed drink with diet coke, ask about the strange rash on your inner thigh or tell me how you really have to get home tonight...to New Jersey.

-How come women consistently list the number one trait they are looking for in a guy as "sense of humor" but when I say I'm a comedian they look at me like I'm a janitor?

-Single guys have an intricate system for scouring a bar for prospects. We usually use a two-man formation. One guy is the designated "wingman" whose primary responsibility is to find and initiate conversations with hot chicks. Once the wingman has established a position, he transitions his friend into the conversation and then reports back to the other guys. When describing the attractiveness of a girl to his friends, guys will sometimes use the "beer rule," which is the number of beers one would have to drink in order to hook up with a girl. Anyone less than a six-pack is pretty good. Anyone over a twelve-pack will just make for a funny story the next day.

-I'd say the biggest drawback to being single in New York is that you never get any sleep. Since the bars are open virtually all night, you end up leaving with a girl at like 4am. You get in a cab, you get back to your place, you start hooking up and by the time all is said and done, it's daybreak - so much for your one-night stand. In other cities I've partied in lately, like LA, Philly and Boston, last call is at 1:30am. You're home with a girl by 2:30am and sleeping soundly by four while your buddies in New York are still pissing in troughs.

-I have to admit, now that I'm unemployed, I kind of like doing the walk of shame during the week. I think because it reminds me of my childhood. You know, the girl is trying unsuccessfully to get me out of bed while simultaneously getting ready for work. I'm cranky, my hair is a mess, she's putting her makeup on and I'm eating snacks out of the fridge. It's just like getting ready for elementary school!

-At about 4:30am on the streets of Manhattan, you will see dozens of single guys walking solemnly down the sidewalk, their constitutions broken, their shirts ruffled and their wallets empty. They have left the bar without hooking up and are now trudging back to their tiny apartments alone. I call these unfortunate men the "Lost Souls." I have been a Lost Soul many a night. I usually use this time to ponder life's great mysteries. Like how come everyone likes Coldplay so much? What exactly is cilantro? Why do M&Ms and Budweiser even bother advertising? What ever happened to Praswell from the Fugees? Did I leave the Foreman grill plugged in? I think I need a girlfriend.

-In my group of friends, I am the highest-ranking single guy (meaning I have been single the longest). That means it is my duty to prevent my buddies who have girlfriends from becoming totally whipped. I feel like I am losing this battle. You know you're losing your friends to their girlfriends when they all start hanging out together as couples. My roommate Brian and his girlfriend had a dinner party a few weeks ago with a bunch of other couples. I overheard him on the phone talking to one of the guys and he actually said, "But my girlfriend likes red wine and yours likes white, what should we do? I guess I'll just bring an appetizer then." I swear if he didn't pay half the rent I would have killed him right then and there.

-Of course, I gave up on my roommate a long time ago. It started harmlessly enough, with a post-it note. When his girlfriend left the apartment one morning, she left him a little post-it note that said something like "I love you. Have a great day!" OK, so that was pretty lame but I let it slide. Then I found another note the next day that read "I love you. Have a great day! XOXO." The next day the note didn't even have any words, it just said "XOXOXOXO." Just when I thought things couldn't get any worse, they did. I discovered it on a Tuesday, on his desk under a pile of love notes. A mix tape. They're making mix tapes for each other. Each one has a different "mood" when it's supposed to be played. Hmm, I wonder which one I should play when I'm feeling like my roommate is a pussy.

-Those of my friends who are still single have started to diversify themselves a little bit. One of my buddies has been hooking up with a thirty-five year old marketing executive. I asked him how the sex was. He said, "Who cares, she's a vice-president!"

-Meanwhile, I've been trying to hit on the models in my acting class. For some reason, though, they all have boyfriends. And those boyfriends are forty-two. And millionaires. And used to play for the Bears.

-Quote of the Month. As I said at the beginning of this column, I think that single women are way too afraid of getting hurt, when they should just be trying to have a good time, like guys do. For example, my buddy Seth was telling me about this girl that he hooked up with twice. All of a sudden she said she couldn't see him anymore. When he asked her why, she said she was worried he was going to break her heart. "Break her heart?" Seth said to me over a couple of beers, "How am I going to break her heart? I don't even know what I'm having for lunch."

-Guys have a few steadfast rules when it comes to the opposite sex. Our first rule is never go out on a date on a weekend night if you're not sure you're going to hook up. If things go sour, you've wasted 50% of primetime for nothing. Second, never break up with your girlfriend, no matter how much it's not working, if you have some sort of temporary disability, such as a broken wrist. You'll need someone to work the remote while you're laid up. Finally, once you hook up with a girl, whatever you did in bed is reasonably expected to be the minimum of what you do you the next time. Listen, I don't make the rules, I just follow them!

-I guess I shouldn't be too surprised that single men and women have such a hard time getting along. We're just so different. Girls dream about meeting that one great love. Guys fantasize about the Olsen twins and the Hilton sisters...at the same time. Girls have all the pictures they have ever taken in their lives organized by genre on Ofoto. Guys say they'll make doubles of that picture of you puking on yourself but never actually do. Girls spend their free time shopping for shoes, hair products and non-fat frozen yogurt. Guys spend their free time deciding who to play at wide receiver on their fantasy football team when the Vikings have a bye week. Girls spend all of their hard-earned money on shoes, hair products and non-fat frozen yogurt. Guys spend of all their hard-earned money trying to have sex with girls. So I guess there's really only one thing we can agree on - we all love watching "The OC."

-In the end, being a single guy is both strange and unpredictable. Like sometimes I'll go to run on the treadmill at the gym and find that no one is around but that all of the TVs have been mysteriously tuned to "The View," almost like some girl is trying to brainwash me. Other times I'll be pissing in a trough at the bar and feeling kind of down on myself, when I see another single guy using water from the sink to style his hair. When I realize that this is my competition, I don't feel so bad anymore. So I leave the bathroom, tip the attendant a single and go find my single buddies at the bar. When the bartender comes my way, I take one look at all the beautiful single women around me and say, "Hey, make that a double."

--------------------------------------------------

As always, here are some random things I've been ruminating about lately... (Stella's note - slightly shortened from original version)

-Memo to electronics store salespeople: if I ask you a technical question and all you do is read off what it says on the back of the box, you are not adding value. In fact, you are subtracting it. Please leave and find someone who is not an ignorant jackass.

-Memo to people who email me asking me to join friendster.com: I already have a network of friends. They're called my friends. Clearly you are not one of them.

-When I'm filling up a car with gas, why do I try to round the price to an even number when I'm paying with a credit card anyway?

-Have you noticed that the gels, lotions and shampoos found in women's' bathrooms always come in some sort of scent that doesn't actually exist in nature? It's like vanilla grapefruit, green tea blackberry and mango teriyaki. Doesn't that freak you out a little?

-I'm convinced that hanging a wrinkled shirt in the bathroom while a steaming shower is running does absolutely nothing. I can't tell you how many times I've tried it and all I've gotten was a soaking wet shirt. Who comes up with this shit?

I hope you enjoyed this edition of RUMINATIONS! If you would like to forward this, please do so. If not, it's good for a private chuckle. Thanks for reading!

-Karo
October 6th, 2003
New York City

Courtesy of miss kim

"To me, single women in New York City are like a preseason football game - it seems like they're trying to score, but really they just don't want to get hurt. On the other hand, single men are like the Super Bowl - they're always trying to go all the way like it's the last chance they'll ever get. This seemingly small difference in thinking leads to an extraordinary amount of waste generated by single men and women who have absolutely no clue what the other wants. Money is wasted, time is wasted and next thing you know it's 4am on Saturday night and you're alone...and wasted. Go to any bar in this town and you're bound to see the mating ritual happen in pairs - two guys who've had two too many drinks circling the outskirts of the dance floor with two dollars combined left in their wallets staring at the two chicks at the bar clutching two overpriced handbags and ordering two more apple martinis. But don't worry, you're not seeing double, you're seeing single."

more at www.aaronkaro.com

f**k f**k f**k F**K! it's 11:40pm, i'm supposed to talk to my boss about this biz plan i've supposedly been working on for the past week at 9am tomorrow and i'm STILL PROCRASTINATING (look what i'm doing now, blogging!)  Note: i've made z.e.r.o progress on the paper.  ARRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGHHHHH

does anyone have a good cure for procrastination???  oh man and i can't pull all nighters anymore.. too old for that!

i missed body combat today!  arggggh got stuck at work.  have a feeling i'll lose my motivation soon.

so here's a question for the guys ... i eat the same amount as you (observation from dinners / lunches) PLUS i eat dessert (which you skip most of the time) AND i do'nt exercise.  so where does the 60-70 extra pounds on your body come from?  unless y'all are closet cookie bingers...

Attended my first body combat session yesterday.  woohoo! mad props to stephanie the instructor.  she makes exercising so much fun   punch punch hook [stall] kick jab. eh!  now i can go kick some serious ass....

for those who're wondering - this is what you do in body combat (that's not me!!)  whoever exercises with their hair down anyway??????

[Class description: BODYCOMBAT (M) An awesome martial arts based workout that combines Karate, Kickboxing, Thai-Chi and traditional boxing technique.]

***************************************************

side note - i still can't get over how people look like mice running in wheels when they're on the treadmill / step master.  i refused to join the gym for the longest time because i'd walk past California (the gym) and see all these people jogging away with this vacant look in their eyes... as if they have no soul... made me feel sabishii just by looking at them.... and it scared me

So I did go out to play in the typhoon last night...  have you ever stood underneath a big sturdy umbrella and felt the wind & the rain whipping around you?  that always makes me feel invincible (even though I'd be soaked from waist down)

i love typhoons ... everyone was hiding in their house so the entire city was dead quiet.  the skyline was an odd blueish gray and the sky scrapers stood, tall, dark and majestic, their antennae quietly blinking in the storm.  all i could hear was the wind howling and the clattering of the random dustbin being knocked down the street.   the only other people out were the "crazy gwailos" as b put it.  I would've done a rain dance myself but almost got blown away (mary poppins style) trying, so i had to give up

2 hours of romping around in the mad storm then we headed over to Globe and settled down in a warm booth with our vodka tonics.

thanks for dragging me out yo, i had an awesome time

T8 hoisted just 2 hours ago ... *yay* leaving work early   [tra-ra-la]

see? direct hit!!!!  http://www.hko.gov.hk/wxinfo/currwx/tc_pos_15.png.  my first typhoon this year - how exciting!

hmmm what should i do today ... kinda sad when you've just gotten used to IB hours (i.e. getting off work at 2-3am), then you go find a new job and don't know what to do with yourself since you no longer get off at some ungodly hour but at 8pm instead.  (i know, it's lame) yup that's me right now...

so, i'm soliciting ideas for new hobbies... here's the list i have as of 2 hours ago:

1) sailing

2) new language (german or spanish)

3) cooking lessons?

4) belly dance (more likely jazz)

5) wing chong (i wanna be Trinity!)

errrm.  yeah.  let me know if you can think of anything interesting

TCBY fro-yo sucks.  i mean you eat it coz you think it's not fattening but it's just no substitude for the real thing!  yummmmm

alright my friend just called - gonna go out and play in the rain.  cya